Foster Care Institute Dr. John DeGarmo
  • Home
  • About
    • Motivational Keynote Speaker Topics >
      • Motivational Speaker
      • Inspirational Speaker
      • Foster Care Speaker
      • Fundraising Keynote
      • Early Childhood Speaker
      • Education Speaker
      • Teacher/School Speaker
    • In The Media
    • Articles
    • Blog
    • At Home Virtual Foster Parent Intake and Orientation >
      • Intake and Orientation Book
      • Session 1: What is Foster Care?
      • Session 1: Birth Children and Foster Children
      • Birth Parents and You Quiz
      • Session 1: Anger Management
      • Session 2: Anxiety and Disorders
      • Quiz: Anxieties and Disorders
      • Session 2: Birth Parents and You
      • Quiz: Child Development
      • Session 2: Child Development Part I
      • Session 3: Child Development Part II
      • Session 3: Trauma Informed Parenting
      • Trauma Informed Quiz
      • Session 3: Caseworkers and Foster Parents
      • Quiz: Caseworker
      • Session 4: Burnout and Stress
      • Burnout and Stress Quiz
      • Session 4: Documentation
      • Quiz: Documentation
      • Session 4: Loss and Grief
      • Quiz: Loss and Grief
      • Session 5: Placement
      • Quiz: Placement
      • Session 5: Protecting Yourself as a Foster Parent
      • Session 5: Visitations
      • Visitations Quiz
    • Foster Parent Recruitment >
      • Foster Parent Recruitment Book
      • Recruitment Webinar: Intro
      • Recruitment Webinar I
      • Recruitment Webinar II
      • Recruitment Webinar III
      • Recruitment Webinar IV
      • Recruitment Webinar V
      • Recruitment Webinar VI
      • Recruitment Webinar VII
      • Recruitment Webinar VIII
    • Consultant
    • Foster Care 101 Videos/Radio
    • Foster Care Success Coaching
    • Foster Parent Coach
    • Author Success Coach
    • How To Be A Paid Speaker
    • Testimonials
  • Contact
  • Foster Care Training
  • Store
    • The Foster Care Institute Library of Online Training Webinars
  • Training Webinars
    • Webinar: ADHD Part I
    • Webinar: ADHD Part II
    • Webinar Aging Out Part I
    • Webinar Aging Out Part II
    • Webinar: Anger Management
    • Webinar Anxieties and Disorders
    • Webinar: Attachment
    • Webinar: Autism
    • Webinar: Bedwetting
    • Webinar Birth Children and Adoptive Foster Children
    • Webinar Birth Parents and You
    • Webinar: Building Self Confidence
    • Webinar: Bullying Part I
    • Webinar: Bullying Part II
    • Webinar Burnout and Stress
    • Webinar: Case Workers and Foster Parents CW Version
    • Webinar: Case Workers Foster Parents Foster Parent Version
    • Webinar Child Development I
    • Child Development II Quiz
    • Webinar Child Development II
    • Webinar Child Sex Trafficking
    • Webinar Compassion Fatigue
    • Webinar Discipline and Children in Foster Care
    • Webinar Documentation
    • Webinar Eating Disorders
    • Webinar: Emphatic Listening
    • Webinar: FASD Part I
    • Webinar: FASD Part II
    • Webinar: Fire Starting
    • Webinar Grief and Loss
    • Webinar: Helping Foster Children in School
    • Webinar: Home Safety
    • Webinar How to Prepare for Foster Child
    • Webinar Just For Dads
    • Webinar: Kinship Care
    • Webinar Knowing the Terms
    • Webinar: Lice! Prevention and Treatment
    • Webinar Life Books
    • Webinar: Mandated Reporting
    • Webinar Marriage/Foster Care Part I
    • Webinar Marriage Foster Care Part II
    • Webinar: Neglect
    • Webinar: Non Compliance
    • Webinar: Normalcy
    • Webinar: Oppositional Defiant Disorder
    • Webinar: Parenting Troubled Teens
    • Webinar: Positive Parenting
    • Webinar Post Adoption Depression
    • Webinar Power of Prayer
    • Webinar Protecting Yourself as a Foster Parent
    • Webinar: Reactive Attachment Disorder
    • Webinar: Respite Care
    • Webinar: Rights and Responsibilities
    • Webinar: Running Away
    • Webinar: Saying Goodbye to Children in Foster Care
    • Webinar Schools Part 1
    • Webinar Schools Part II
    • Webinar: Self Harm
    • Webinar Sexual Predators/Sexting
    • Webinar Sleep Anxieties
    • Webinar Social Media Safety
    • Webinar: Stealing
    • Webinar The Holidays
    • Webinar: Transracial Parenting Part I
    • Webinar: Transracial Parenting Part II
    • Webinar Trauma and Stress
    • Webinar: Trauma Informed Parenting I
    • Webinar: Trauma Informed Parenting II
    • Webinar Visitations
    • Webinar: Why Children Bite
    • Webinar Why Children Lie
    • Webinar What if he is Not Adopted
    • Webinar: What is Foster Care
  • CCYA RBWO Training
    • ADHD Part I RBW
    • ADHD Part II RBW
    • Aging Out RBWO Training
    • Bullying RBWO
    • Challenges of School RBWO Training
    • Compassion Fatigue RBW
    • Eating Disorders-RBW
    • Emphatic Listening RBWO Training
    • Mandated Reporting RBWO Training
    • Normalcy RBWO
    • Running Away RBW
    • Self Harm RBWO
    • Sleep Anxieties RBWO Training
    • The Holidays-RBW
    • Trauma Part I RBW
    • Trauma Part II RBW
  • Paid Member Benefits Page
    • Certificate: ADHD Part I
    • Certificate ADHD Part II
    • Certificate Aging Out I
    • Certificate Aging Out II
    • Certificate Anger Management
    • Certificate Anxieties Disorders
    • Certificate: Attachment
    • Certificate: Autism
    • Certificate: Bedwetting
    • Certificate Birth Children
    • Certificate Birth Family
    • Certificate Biting
    • Certificate-Building Self Esteem
    • Certificate Bullying Part I
    • Certificate Bullying Part II
    • Certificate Burn Out/Stress
    • Certificate Caseworker/Foster Parents CW Version
    • Certificate Case Workers Foster Parents FP Verssion
    • Certificate Child Development I
    • Certificate Child Development II
    • Certificate Child Sex Trafficking
    • Certificate Compassion Fatigue
    • Certificate Discipline and Foster Care
    • Certificate Documentation
    • Certificate Eating Disorders
    • Certificate: Emphatic Listening
    • Certificate: FASD Part I
    • Certificate: FASD Part II
    • Certificate Fire Starting
    • Certificate Helping Foster Children in School
    • Certificate Home Safety
    • Certificate Just For Dads
    • Certificate: Kinship Care
    • Certificate Knowing the Terms
    • Certificate: Lice! Prevention and Treatment
    • Certificate Life Books
    • Certificate Loss/Grief
    • Certificate: Mandated Reporting
    • Certificate Marriage II
    • Certificate Marriage I
    • Certificate: Neglect
    • Certificate: Normalcy
    • Certificate Online Dangers
    • Certificate: Parenting Troubled Teens
    • Certificate Placement
    • Certificate: Positive Parenting
    • Certificate Post Adoption Depression
    • Certificate Power of Prayer
    • Certificate Protecting Yourself as a Foster Parent
    • Certificate Reactive Attachment Disorder
    • Certificate Respite Care
    • Certificate Rights and Responsibilities
    • Certificate Running Away
    • Certificate: Saying Goodbye
    • Certificate Schools I
    • Certificate Schools II
    • Certificate: Self Harm
    • Certificate Sexting
    • Certificate Sleep Anxieties
    • Certificate Stealing
    • Certificate The Holidays
    • Certificate: Transracial Parenting Part I
    • Certificate: Transracial Parenting Part II
    • Certificate Trauma
    • Certificate: Trauma Informed Parenting I
    • Certificate : Trauma Informed Parenting II
    • Certificate Visitation
    • Certificate What if Not Adopted
    • Certificate: What is Foster Care
    • Certificate Why Children Lie
  • Documentation Paperwork
    • Documentation Downloadable Paperwork
  • How to be a Foster Parent
  • Cancel Subscription
  • New Page
  • Home

How Routine Can Help Bring Healing to Children in Foster Care

11/2/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture
A few years back, we had a teenager placed into our home that lied about his mother on a daily basis. According to him, she had a great paying job as a manager of a major restaurant chain, had never been in trouble with the law, was a loving parent, and the greatest mother of all time. If you were to listen to him, his mother was a pillar of the community. In reality, she had been in jail, and had been there numerous times. She neglected her children, was addicted to Meth, and was both jobless and homeless. Yet, despite our knowledge of the truth, we did not criticize him for lying, nor criticize his mother. We simply reminded him the importance of telling the truth, at all times, and reassured him that his mother was an important person. If your foster child wants to, allow him to speak about his family. He may wish to brag about them to you. He might even lie about them, hoping to impress you and your family.

At the same time, he may not wish to acknowledge the truth about his family, if it is in a negative fashion. Do not judge or criticize his biological parents, as this will only seek to create distance between yourself and your child, as he struggles with loyalty issues between you and his biological parents. No matter how long he has been with you and formed a deep relationship with, and no matter how much abuse he may have received from his own biological family, he will still love them, and wish to defend them. After all, they are his family. Instead, listen with an open ear and open heart, allowing him to see this, as it will encourage trust in you. Encourage him to put up pictures of his biological parents, birth family members, previous foster parents, and other important people in his life. Let him know that you understand how important these people are in his life.


Join the thousands who receive Dr. DeGarmo’s FREE foster care newsletter. Simply fill out the form below.

All families have some sort of routine and patterns of behavior that exist within their home. If your family is like my own, your own family has a routine that you follow on a daily or regular basis. This type of routine is important to the well being of your family, and to the functioning of your household. Depending upon the type of household your child from foster care came from, he may not be familiar with your day to day routine. Indeed, he may come from a home that had no set routine or schedule. Many of my own children from foster care have come from such a household. Even more, the child may have lived in a home where there were no expectations of him, and no rules for him to follow. It is important that you include your foster child into your family, and into your routine. When you do, you will help to give him a sense of belonging, of importance, and of accomplishment.


When including him into your routine, start off slow. If you give him too much to do, it can quickly become overwhelming to him, and even turn him off to your family. Indeed, it is important that you are patient with him, and allow him time to adjust to the fact that he is not with his biological family. Before expecting too much from him, give him some time alone to become comfortable with his new home, family, and surroundings.  It also helps to build expectations, creates a calmer home, and teaches and healthy habits.


Become a Special Member of The Foster Care Institute-Amazing Benefits.  Join HERE!

Allow him time to observe your family's routine before expecting him to actively participate. In other words, just let him watch you and your family operate together, as a family unit. Some of your routines might be informal, such as dinner time habits, shoes in the house, respect for others when speaking, etc. If he has questions about your family's routine, and he likely will, answer them honestly, and at a level he can understand. Let him know why you do such activities in your house, and why his involvement is important to the well being of your entire family. All the while, it is necessary that you praise him along the way, offering him words of encouragement and gratitude from you. Remember, he may never have had any words of praise or thanks from his previous home, or from his biological family members. The words "Thank you so very much" and "You have really done a great job" can be both uplifting and encouraging to a child in foster care, and may help him on his road to healing.

-Dr. John 

Order your signed copy of  the only children's book written just for children being placed into foster care, and into your foster home. Just click on the book title - A Different Home: A New Foster Child's Story.

    Sign up for FREE Newsletter

Submit
Picture
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    AUTHOR
    Dr. John DeGarmo is the founder and director of The Foster Care Institute, and is recognized as a leading expert in foster care. Dr. John is an TEDX Talk speaker, international trainer and speaker, consultant, author, and most importantly, a father.  He has been a foster parent  with over 60 children who have come to live in his home from adoption and foster care. He is the author of many books, including the  book  
    The Foster Care Survival Guide: The Essential Book for Today's Foster Parents.

    Picture
    Order your signed copy of the new book:
    The Little Book of Foster Care Wisdom: 365 Days of Inspiration and Encouragement for Foster Care Families
    Dr.John's TEDx Talk on Foster Care.
    Get unlimited access to over 65 hours of Training Webinars, Certificates, CEUs 15 FREE eBooks, and more.  Get your licensing foster care training hours at home, at work, at lunch, on vacation....anytime you want.    It's easy!   
    Join​ HERE!

    Archives

    March 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013

    Categories

    All
    Phone Number

    RSS Feed

Home       About   Media   Blog       Training/Webinars      Foster Parent Recruitment/Retention Consultant       Contact       Articles     Foster Parent Coach       Store         Radio Show/Video Series      How to be a Foster Parent    How To Be A Paid Speaker   Testimonials