It is important to have your own support group while. This applies not only for your personal life, but also as a foster parents, as we have seen.   A support group of fellow foster parents will also help to strengthen your marriage, as well.  As you find strength and wisdom from your foster parent support group, whether in a local foster parent association, through an online social media group, or through both, you will find that some of your stress and anxieties that come from being a foster parent to a child in need will ease.  This will, no doubt, help your marriage, as well.
 
The Power Of Respite
As I write this, a few months back, my wife and I took our first real vacation together, with no children, in over 20 years.  Let me share that again with you.  We took our first real vacation, as a couple, just her and I, child free, in over 20 years.  While it was only for a week, it was an incredible rewarding and enjoyable time, as we were able to reconnect with friends of ours from Europe. Don’t you know that when you are in an international marriage like mine, you end up having friends from every part of the world?  Yes, a part of me didn’t want to come back home, as it was so refreshing, and a much needed break for the two of us.  We were able to do so in part to respite care.  

There are those times, of course, when foster families simply become exhausted, or “burned out,” if you will.  Perhaps the foster child has been in the home for an extended period of time, and the family has grown mentally, emotionally, and physically weary from care.  To be sure, this is a very real possibility, and is one that should not be ignored.  In order for the family to remain not only healthy foster parents, but a healthy family unit, they may merely need a break from care, an opportunity to “recharge their batteries,” and a chance to focus on their own family unit, lest it begin to suffer from exhaustion and lack of attention.  Respite may be the solution, as the child is placed into another foster home while the original foster family regains some of their strength, If your marriage is under duress, and you feel like you can’t continue much further, you might wish to consider this option.

​                          (Excerpt from The Foster Care Survival Guide: The Essential Guide for Today's Foster Parents)

                               -Dr. John

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Love changes people and circumstances. If you doubt that, consider the first time
you heard, “I love you,” or “will you marry me,” or “I choose YOU.” The feeling of being loved and valued, even cherished, changes us. You might even say it completes us.

Conversely, feeling unloved and unwanted changes us too. The feeling of being
unloved may be the worst emotion a person can feel. It makes you feel empty, like a big part of you is missing. Actually, it is. Humans need love. We need to receive it, and just as importantly, we need to give it. When we feel loved, we feel safe enough to be our true selves. Our authentic personalities emerge, and we (and everyone within our influence) finds out that we’re actually pretty awesome in our own unique way.

When we are loved and feel safe enough to be ourselves, that’s when living gets really fun because we can step out and try to reach for our biggest, most audacious dreams. Being loved doesn’t eliminate the fear of failure, but it provides a safety net that even in the event that we fall short of achieving our big, bold goals, we’ll fall softly into
the presence of someone who loves us regardless of our accomplishments, someone who knows our faults and failures and loves us anyway, someone who consoles us and celebrates our willingness to reach for the stars regardless of results.

We all know that love is much more than mere words. In fact, we’ve nearly worn out the word, “love.” We love ice cream, we love our new job, we love where we live. In our language and culture, we use this same word to describe how we feel about the people we care most about. We love our families, our children, our best friends, and so on. Anyone who’s ever been betrayed by someone they loved will tell you that real love is much more than words.

When someone says that they love us, we check to see if their actions match their words before we believe them. We all know that when a person says they love us but then puts us down, talks badly about us to others, lies to us, betrays us, or otherwise mistreats us, we question the sincerely of their words. We know that those words that we all long to hear, spoken by a “bad actor” are meaningless. We also know that the person who is always there for us, treats us with respect, and shows their concern in a meaningful, measurable way may not ever say the actual words, “I love you,” but their actions communicate volumes.

It’s always nice to hear, “I love you,” but if those words are not backed up by well- intended actions, the words are empty. If given the choice to hear the words, unaccompanied by sincere acts of loving kindness, or receiving the acts of kindness and love without the spoken words, we’d always choose the actions. The words are important, but the loving actions are the substance that changes people and situations.

Love is more than words.

Starting today, let’s be the ones to show others how to put our love into action. Let’s start with those closest to us. Let’s decide not to assume that other people know how we feel about them. Let’s make the effort to show them. By being the first to back our words with acts of kindness, mercy, and love, we will be improving our lives, the lives of those within our influence, and we will be modeling for others how to do the same. In this way, putting our love in action can have a ripple effect—hopefully one that never ends.

This world is a crazy and sometimes painful place. You never know what someone is dealing with, or when your words or actions will give the encouragement needed to make it through the day. Never underestimate your influence in the lives of others.

The new book, Love Is Action— Change Your World With Love, is full of rich wisdom and practical tips that will lift your spirits, give you hope, and stir you into action. By the end of this book, you’ll have many new ideas for improving your world by living a life full of kindness, generosity, and love. Some of the simplest acts of inviting someone to join you in whatever you are doing, offering to help someone with whatever they are faced with, or asking the powerful question, “what do you hope to accomplish between now and the day you leave this life?”

Love is best expressed through actions, and sometimes the most powerful acts of love are found in the simplest of actions. Regardless of where you are in life, what you have, or who you know, if you will put your love into action as you read through this book, you will enrich your life in ways you might never have considered.