Foster Care Institute Dr. John DeGarmo
  • Home
  • About
    • Motivational Keynote Speaker Topics >
      • Motivational Speaker
      • Inspirational Speaker
      • Foster Care Speaker
      • Fundraising Keynote
      • Early Childhood Speaker
      • Education Speaker
      • Teacher/School Speaker
    • In The Media
    • Articles
    • Blog
    • At Home Virtual Foster Parent Intake and Orientation >
      • Intake and Orientation Book
      • Session 1: What is Foster Care?
      • Session 1: Birth Children and Foster Children
      • Birth Parents and You Quiz
      • Session 1: Anger Management
      • Session 2: Anxiety and Disorders
      • Quiz: Anxieties and Disorders
      • Session 2: Birth Parents and You
      • Quiz: Child Development
      • Session 2: Child Development Part I
      • Session 3: Child Development Part II
      • Session 3: Trauma Informed Parenting
      • Trauma Informed Quiz
      • Session 3: Caseworkers and Foster Parents
      • Quiz: Caseworker
      • Session 4: Burnout and Stress
      • Burnout and Stress Quiz
      • Session 4: Documentation
      • Quiz: Documentation
      • Session 4: Loss and Grief
      • Quiz: Loss and Grief
      • Session 5: Placement
      • Quiz: Placement
      • Session 5: Protecting Yourself as a Foster Parent
      • Session 5: Visitations
      • Visitations Quiz
    • Foster Parent Recruitment >
      • Foster Parent Recruitment Book
      • Recruitment Webinar: Intro
      • Recruitment Webinar I
      • Recruitment Webinar II
      • Recruitment Webinar III
      • Recruitment Webinar IV
      • Recruitment Webinar V
      • Recruitment Webinar VI
      • Recruitment Webinar VII
      • Recruitment Webinar VIII
    • Consultant
    • Foster Care 101 Videos/Radio
    • Foster Care Success Coaching
    • Foster Parent Coach
    • Author Success Coach
    • How To Be A Paid Speaker
    • Testimonials
  • Contact
  • Foster Care Training
  • Store
    • The Foster Care Institute Library of Online Training Webinars
  • Training Webinars
    • Webinar: ADHD Part I
    • Webinar: ADHD Part II
    • Webinar Aging Out Part I
    • Webinar Aging Out Part II
    • Webinar: Anger Management
    • Webinar Anxieties and Disorders
    • Webinar: Attachment
    • Webinar: Autism
    • Webinar: Bedwetting
    • Webinar Birth Children and Adoptive Foster Children
    • Webinar Birth Parents and You
    • Webinar: Building Self Confidence
    • Webinar: Bullying Part I
    • Webinar: Bullying Part II
    • Webinar Burnout and Stress
    • Webinar: Case Workers and Foster Parents CW Version
    • Webinar: Case Workers Foster Parents Foster Parent Version
    • Webinar Child Development I
    • Child Development II Quiz
    • Webinar Child Development II
    • Webinar Child Sex Trafficking
    • Webinar Compassion Fatigue
    • Webinar Discipline and Children in Foster Care
    • Webinar Documentation
    • Webinar Eating Disorders
    • Webinar: Emphatic Listening
    • Webinar: FASD Part I
    • Webinar: FASD Part II
    • Webinar: Fire Starting
    • Webinar Grief and Loss
    • Webinar: Helping Foster Children in School
    • Webinar: Home Safety
    • Webinar How to Prepare for Foster Child
    • Webinar Just For Dads
    • Webinar: Kinship Care
    • Webinar Knowing the Terms
    • Webinar: Lice! Prevention and Treatment
    • Webinar Life Books
    • Webinar: Mandated Reporting
    • Webinar Marriage/Foster Care Part I
    • Webinar Marriage Foster Care Part II
    • Webinar: Neglect
    • Webinar: Non Compliance
    • Webinar: Normalcy
    • Webinar: Oppositional Defiant Disorder
    • Webinar: Parenting Troubled Teens
    • Webinar: Positive Parenting
    • Webinar Post Adoption Depression
    • Webinar Power of Prayer
    • Webinar Protecting Yourself as a Foster Parent
    • Webinar: Reactive Attachment Disorder
    • Webinar: Respite Care
    • Webinar: Rights and Responsibilities
    • Webinar: Running Away
    • Webinar: Saying Goodbye to Children in Foster Care
    • Webinar Schools Part 1
    • Webinar Schools Part II
    • Webinar: Self Harm
    • Webinar Sexual Predators/Sexting
    • Webinar Sleep Anxieties
    • Webinar Social Media Safety
    • Webinar: Stealing
    • Webinar The Holidays
    • Webinar: Transracial Parenting Part I
    • Webinar: Transracial Parenting Part II
    • Webinar Trauma and Stress
    • Webinar: Trauma Informed Parenting I
    • Webinar: Trauma Informed Parenting II
    • Webinar Visitations
    • Webinar: Why Children Bite
    • Webinar Why Children Lie
    • Webinar What if he is Not Adopted
    • Webinar: What is Foster Care
  • CCYA RBWO Training
    • ADHD Part I RBW
    • ADHD Part II RBW
    • Aging Out RBWO Training
    • Bullying RBWO
    • Challenges of School RBWO Training
    • Compassion Fatigue RBW
    • Eating Disorders-RBW
    • Emphatic Listening RBWO Training
    • Mandated Reporting RBWO Training
    • Normalcy RBWO
    • Running Away RBW
    • Self Harm RBWO
    • Sleep Anxieties RBWO Training
    • The Holidays-RBW
    • Trauma Part I RBW
    • Trauma Part II RBW
  • Paid Member Benefits Page
    • Certificate: ADHD Part I
    • Certificate ADHD Part II
    • Certificate Aging Out I
    • Certificate Aging Out II
    • Certificate Anger Management
    • Certificate Anxieties Disorders
    • Certificate: Attachment
    • Certificate: Autism
    • Certificate: Bedwetting
    • Certificate Birth Children
    • Certificate Birth Family
    • Certificate Biting
    • Certificate-Building Self Esteem
    • Certificate Bullying Part I
    • Certificate Bullying Part II
    • Certificate Burn Out/Stress
    • Certificate Caseworker/Foster Parents CW Version
    • Certificate Case Workers Foster Parents FP Verssion
    • Certificate Child Development I
    • Certificate Child Development II
    • Certificate Child Sex Trafficking
    • Certificate Compassion Fatigue
    • Certificate Discipline and Foster Care
    • Certificate Documentation
    • Certificate Eating Disorders
    • Certificate: Emphatic Listening
    • Certificate: FASD Part I
    • Certificate: FASD Part II
    • Certificate Fire Starting
    • Certificate Helping Foster Children in School
    • Certificate Home Safety
    • Certificate Just For Dads
    • Certificate: Kinship Care
    • Certificate Knowing the Terms
    • Certificate: Lice! Prevention and Treatment
    • Certificate Life Books
    • Certificate Loss/Grief
    • Certificate: Mandated Reporting
    • Certificate Marriage II
    • Certificate Marriage I
    • Certificate: Neglect
    • Certificate: Normalcy
    • Certificate Online Dangers
    • Certificate: Parenting Troubled Teens
    • Certificate Placement
    • Certificate: Positive Parenting
    • Certificate Post Adoption Depression
    • Certificate Power of Prayer
    • Certificate Protecting Yourself as a Foster Parent
    • Certificate Reactive Attachment Disorder
    • Certificate Respite Care
    • Certificate Rights and Responsibilities
    • Certificate Running Away
    • Certificate: Saying Goodbye
    • Certificate Schools I
    • Certificate Schools II
    • Certificate: Self Harm
    • Certificate Sexting
    • Certificate Sleep Anxieties
    • Certificate Stealing
    • Certificate The Holidays
    • Certificate: Transracial Parenting Part I
    • Certificate: Transracial Parenting Part II
    • Certificate Trauma
    • Certificate: Trauma Informed Parenting I
    • Certificate : Trauma Informed Parenting II
    • Certificate Visitation
    • Certificate What if Not Adopted
    • Certificate: What is Foster Care
    • Certificate Why Children Lie
  • Documentation Paperwork
    • Documentation Downloadable Paperwork
  • How to be a Foster Parent
  • Cancel Subscription
  • New Page
  • Home

Foster Care: The Next Mission Field in our Nation, and in our own Neighborhoods

1/30/2019

1 Comment

 
Picture
Three children showed up at our door at 8:30 that winter evening. Like proverbial deer in headlights, they stared at us before we ushered them into our home. The look of fear was evident in each of their eyes. They were scared—scared of us perhaps? Scared of being removed from their home by the police? Scared from what they witnessed before they came to our home? I was unsure. All I knew was that these three children were scared and needed a home immediately. More importantly, they needed someone to care for them.
     
According to the social worker, the 13-year-old boy, 11- year- old girl, and 10- year- old boy had been living in a house of horrors. They suffered daily physical, verbal, and sexual abuse by the adults in their lives. Beatings and rape were common for all three. The home the children were staying at had no running water, no toilets, no electricity, no food, and no heat or air. A large blue tarp covered a large hole in one of the bedrooms, unsuccessfully trying to keep the rain and weather out. Three deputy sheriffs had to go into the home and remove the children from a dangerous environment.
     
“In all my years as a social worker, I have never seen anything like this,”  Sharon told my wife and me.  Sharon was the child’s case worker. “This was the most disturbing removal I have ever been part of.” Sitting across the dining room table, the three of us were signing paperwork for our newest children from foster care. The three children were downstairs, playing with some of the other children in our home, while we quickly took care of the required documentation.
    
 “I am not exaggerating when I tell you that it was the worst thing I have ever seen,” she continued, her own eyes reflecting shock of her own. “We could literally not see the floor in the house.”
     
“What do you mean?” my wife Kelly asked, as she sat down her hot cup of tea. The two of us had been foster parents for eleven years at that point, with over 45 children coming through our home, and into our lives. To be sure, we had witnessed some horror stories of our own. “Why is that?” she again asked.
     
Sharon did not answer right away. Instead, she looked off into the distance, as if she were collecting her thoughts, and herself. After a moment, she looked at us, and her face easily expressed the horror she both saw and felt.


Join the thousands who receive Dr. DeGarmo’s FREE foster care newsletter. Simply fill out the form below.
     
“It was . . . awful,” she shuddered. “I can honestly tell you that you couldn’t see any of the floor in the entire house, as there was so much feces covering the floor.”
     
Stunned by this shocking revelation, I whispered aloud “feces? Human feces?”
     
Sharon’s voice shook as she responded. “I think there was a lot of that, mixed in with dog feces. One of the deputies who went into the house to retrieve the children had to walk back out of the house and take some time. He had become so horrified by the living conditions of these children that he was becoming sick to his stomach.”
     
Placing her hand to her mouth, Kelly was extremely, and understandably, distressed by the news. “Were the children,” she paused, and took a deep breath before continuing., “Were they in the house with this mess?”
     
“Some were,” responded the worker. “The older boy was in sitting in a car, with one of his mother’s teenage boyfriends. The two were acting as a look out for the police. When the police arrived, the 13-year-old tried to run back into the house and warn his mother. The 11-year-old girl was lying in a bed, which was covered in feces, while the 10-year-old was at another friend’s house. The mother was also lying in a feces covered bed with another boyfriend.” After asking about the father, Sharon informed us he was nowhere to be found. The mother’s current husband had pulled a knife on her the week before, and had since disappeared. As a source of income, the mother had been running a meth lab in the house, with her two teenage boyfriends, both only a few years older than the 13- year- old son.
     
Sadly, this is the reality of hundreds of thousands of children, not only around the world, but in the United States, as well. As I write this, and even as you read this, there are children in America who are having unthinkable crimes committed against them, not only by strangers, but by those who profess to love them the most—their family members.

Picture
Become a Special Member of The Foster Care Institute-Amazing Benefits!

​However, it has been my experience as a foster parent the past 14 years that has changed me the most. During that time, I have had over 50 children come to be a part of my family. Some have stayed only a day or two. Some have stayed up to two years. The youngest to be placed into my home was just 27 hours old, while the oldest was 18 years of age. Each child that has come to live with my family and that has been placed into my home has made me a better father, a better husband, a better person. Has it always been easy? Indeed, it has not. There have been those sleepless nights when I tried to comfort a crying and confused child. There have been those days when I struggled to help a child in need deal with the grief and heartbreak they felt when a birth parent did not show up for a visitation. There have been those times when my wife and I were simply exhausted from the day to day challenges that come with being a parent to up to 10 children in the home. Yet, being a foster parent has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done.
     
But it isn’t for everyone.       

For you see, not everyone is called to be a foster parent. As you know, not everyone has the skills to bring children into their home and care for those in need. To be sure, we are all given different skills and talents. For some, these talents might be to care for children in their own homes on a day to day basis. For others, it might be to support those who care for them, while others might be given the resources to share. 
 
Perhaps there is a church in your area that is looking for a way to minister to others. Maybe your own church is seeking ways to reach out to those in need. Hosting a local foster parent association and support group is one such way a church can serve foster parents. Another way is serving as a location for family visitations. Churches can provide a safe, consistent, warm, and inviting atmosphere for children and birth family members to meet during visitation sessions. Indeed, not only can this be a form of outreach for a church, but the message of love and forgiveness is also being practiced, as well.

It is true. As a church, we have the opportunity to be witnesses of love for children in foster care.  The mission is clear. Let us now take this mission onto the mission field. Let us begin to care for the 475,000 children in foster care in the not only our nation, but in our states, and in our own backyards.

(Excerpt from The Church and Foster Care: God's Call to a Growing Epidemic.)


-Dr. John

Want MORE about this? Order your signed copy of the new book The Church and Foster Care. Order your special copy HERE.
 
Submit
Picture
1 Comment

5 Common Myths About Childhood Behavior Debunked-Guest Post by Brittany Waddell

1/14/2019

2 Comments

 
Picture
When you look at your child’s behavior, there can be a tendency to think that it is out of the ordinary. After all, any slight changes can affect the whole family’s lifestyle, especially until the parents find ways to manage or minimize the behavior. It’s usually when parents have tried everything they can think of that they turn to external professionals. They start with the child’s pediatrician and then they seek referrals to outside providers, including behavioral therapy, counseling, speech and language therapy and, when medication or further testing might be needed, they might even ask for a referral to a pediatric neurologist. However, behavior specialist can attest to the fact that many interventions can be tried with children from toddlers to teens before they would need to see a professional for treatment. Here, we examine 5 behavior myths that you should consider before jumping to conclusions about your child: 
 
Bad Behavior that starts young will continue throughout life

1. Problems in preschool do not indicate that a child will have a serious behavioral disorder for life. It is rare for physicians to make a serious behavioral diagnosis of a condition like oppositional defiance disorder (ODD) or conduct disorder in a child under 5 years of age. Children are growing and developing so much in their first five years of life that it’s hard for any professional to assert that certain behaviors are indicative of a lifelong problem. 
 
Children Respond to Punishment More Than Rewards

2. This is a mistake that many educators, childcare providers, and parents make. They believe that providing strict limits for a child will encourage them to develop self-discipline. While this is true because all children need limits to know they are loved by adults, using punishment is not a preferred method of fixing behavior. Children of all ages, and even adults that managers coach in the professional workplace, will be more motivated by being praised when they exhibit positive behaviors. A punishment will not motivate anyone, especially if they are being embarrassed or made to feel bad about themselves. That being said, parents need to figure out if children are intentionally breaking their rules at home or at school or engaging in certain problematic behaviors to get negative attention. 

​
Join the thousands who receive Dr. DeGarmo’s FREE foster care newsletter. Simply fill out the form below.
 
Children Should Be Diagnosed by A Doctor To Receive Medical Treatment

3. Believe it or not, it could make any parent or caregiver’s life a little easier if a hyperactive child was given medicine to calm down. A teacher’s life would be easier if a child was given medicine to focus during class. However, medical providers don’t want to rush to say that a child has a disorder of any kind until they are old enough and until their behaviors are documented well enough to indicate there’s a significant problem. Parents must be careful not to label their own children because this can negatively affect a child’s self-esteem. 
​
Children should be bargained with in order to control their behavior, especially when the family is in public.

4. While parents need to choose their battles with children exhibiting troublesome behaviors, bargaining indicates that the child will get what he or she wants when compliant. Most young children do not even possess the ability to rationalize their own behaviors. Parents should bear in mind that giving a preferred reward does not increase the child’s ability to behave over time. Parents will do better to offer rewards that the child prefers and then fade them out as the child increases his or her level of compliance. Children also need to be taught behaviors or strategies to use when they begin to show a non-preferred behavior. 
 
Children respond better to loud voices and yelling to get their attention.

5. While it is true that young children and older children may have grown up in environments where yelling is the preferred communication method of the parent or caregiver, this is not the best approach. Frequent yelling can cause a child to become desensitized to loud noise. Parents should find the best method of securing a child’s attention to provide verbal cues and to effectively coach them on their behavior. Yelling should be used sparingly, and usually is more effective for stopping a child from doing something that will be immediately harmful to his or her body.
 
Many behaviors can be fixed or replaced with substitute behaviors just by figuring out what motivates or triggers the child to engage in them.

 
 
Brittany Waddell is a contributing writer and media specialist for Youth Villages. She often produces content for a variety of fostering blogs. 

2 Comments
    Picture
    AUTHOR
    Dr. John DeGarmo is the founder and director of The Foster Care Institute, and is recognized as a leading expert in foster care. Dr. John is an TEDX Talk speaker, international trainer and speaker, consultant, author, and most importantly, a father.  He has been a foster parent  with over 60 children who have come to live in his home from adoption and foster care. He is the author of many books, including the  book  
    The Foster Care Survival Guide: The Essential Book for Today's Foster Parents.

    Picture
    Order your signed copy of the new book:
    The Little Book of Foster Care Wisdom: 365 Days of Inspiration and Encouragement for Foster Care Families
    Dr.John's TEDx Talk on Foster Care.
    Get unlimited access to over 65 hours of Training Webinars, Certificates, CEUs 15 FREE eBooks, and more.  Get your licensing foster care training hours at home, at work, at lunch, on vacation....anytime you want.    It's easy!   
    Join​ HERE!

    Archives

    March 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013

    Categories

    All
    Phone Number

    RSS Feed

Home       About   Media   Blog       Training/Webinars      Foster Parent Recruitment/Retention Consultant       Contact       Articles     Foster Parent Coach       Store         Radio Show/Video Series      How to be a Foster Parent    How To Be A Paid Speaker   Testimonials