Foster Care Institute Dr. John DeGarmo
  • Home
  • About
    • Motivational Keynote Speaker Topics >
      • Motivational Speaker
      • Inspirational Speaker
      • Foster Care Speaker
      • Fundraising Keynote
      • Early Childhood Speaker
      • Education Speaker
      • Teacher/School Speaker
    • In The Media
    • Articles
    • Blog
    • At Home Virtual Foster Parent Intake and Orientation >
      • Intake and Orientation Book
      • Session 1: What is Foster Care?
      • Session 1: Birth Children and Foster Children
      • Birth Parents and You Quiz
      • Session 1: Anger Management
      • Session 2: Anxiety and Disorders
      • Quiz: Anxieties and Disorders
      • Session 2: Birth Parents and You
      • Quiz: Child Development
      • Session 2: Child Development Part I
      • Session 3: Child Development Part II
      • Session 3: Trauma Informed Parenting
      • Trauma Informed Quiz
      • Session 3: Caseworkers and Foster Parents
      • Quiz: Caseworker
      • Session 4: Burnout and Stress
      • Burnout and Stress Quiz
      • Session 4: Documentation
      • Quiz: Documentation
      • Session 4: Loss and Grief
      • Quiz: Loss and Grief
      • Session 5: Placement
      • Quiz: Placement
      • Session 5: Protecting Yourself as a Foster Parent
      • Session 5: Visitations
      • Visitations Quiz
    • Foster Parent Recruitment >
      • Foster Parent Recruitment Book
      • Recruitment Webinar: Intro
      • Recruitment Webinar I
      • Recruitment Webinar II
      • Recruitment Webinar III
      • Recruitment Webinar IV
      • Recruitment Webinar V
      • Recruitment Webinar VI
      • Recruitment Webinar VII
      • Recruitment Webinar VIII
    • Consultant
    • Foster Care 101 Videos/Radio
    • Foster Care Success Coaching
    • Foster Parent Coach
    • Author Success Coach
    • How To Be A Paid Speaker
    • Testimonials
  • Contact
  • Foster Care Training
  • Store
    • The Foster Care Institute Library of Online Training Webinars
  • Training Webinars
    • Webinar: ADHD Part I
    • Webinar: ADHD Part II
    • Webinar Aging Out Part I
    • Webinar Aging Out Part II
    • Webinar: Anger Management
    • Webinar Anxieties and Disorders
    • Webinar: Attachment
    • Webinar: Autism
    • Webinar: Bedwetting
    • Webinar Birth Children and Adoptive Foster Children
    • Webinar Birth Parents and You
    • Webinar: Building Self Confidence
    • Webinar: Bullying Part I
    • Webinar: Bullying Part II
    • Webinar Burnout and Stress
    • Webinar: Case Workers and Foster Parents CW Version
    • Webinar: Case Workers Foster Parents Foster Parent Version
    • Webinar Child Development I
    • Child Development II Quiz
    • Webinar Child Development II
    • Webinar Child Sex Trafficking
    • Webinar Compassion Fatigue
    • Webinar Discipline and Children in Foster Care
    • Webinar Documentation
    • Webinar Eating Disorders
    • Webinar: Emphatic Listening
    • Webinar: FASD Part I
    • Webinar: FASD Part II
    • Webinar: Fire Starting
    • Webinar Grief and Loss
    • Webinar: Helping Foster Children in School
    • Webinar: Home Safety
    • Webinar How to Prepare for Foster Child
    • Webinar Just For Dads
    • Webinar: Kinship Care
    • Webinar Knowing the Terms
    • Webinar: Lice! Prevention and Treatment
    • Webinar Life Books
    • Webinar: Mandated Reporting
    • Webinar Marriage/Foster Care Part I
    • Webinar Marriage Foster Care Part II
    • Webinar: Neglect
    • Webinar: Non Compliance
    • Webinar: Normalcy
    • Webinar: Oppositional Defiant Disorder
    • Webinar: Parenting Troubled Teens
    • Webinar: Positive Parenting
    • Webinar Post Adoption Depression
    • Webinar Power of Prayer
    • Webinar Protecting Yourself as a Foster Parent
    • Webinar: Reactive Attachment Disorder
    • Webinar: Respite Care
    • Webinar: Rights and Responsibilities
    • Webinar: Running Away
    • Webinar: Saying Goodbye to Children in Foster Care
    • Webinar Schools Part 1
    • Webinar Schools Part II
    • Webinar: Self Harm
    • Webinar Sexual Predators/Sexting
    • Webinar Sleep Anxieties
    • Webinar Social Media Safety
    • Webinar: Stealing
    • Webinar The Holidays
    • Webinar: Transracial Parenting Part I
    • Webinar: Transracial Parenting Part II
    • Webinar Trauma and Stress
    • Webinar: Trauma Informed Parenting I
    • Webinar: Trauma Informed Parenting II
    • Webinar Visitations
    • Webinar: Why Children Bite
    • Webinar Why Children Lie
    • Webinar What if he is Not Adopted
    • Webinar: What is Foster Care
  • CCYA RBWO Training
    • ADHD Part I RBW
    • ADHD Part II RBW
    • Aging Out RBWO Training
    • Bullying RBWO
    • Challenges of School RBWO Training
    • Compassion Fatigue RBW
    • Eating Disorders-RBW
    • Emphatic Listening RBWO Training
    • Mandated Reporting RBWO Training
    • Normalcy RBWO
    • Running Away RBW
    • Self Harm RBWO
    • Sleep Anxieties RBWO Training
    • The Holidays-RBW
    • Trauma Part I RBW
    • Trauma Part II RBW
  • Paid Member Benefits Page
    • Certificate: ADHD Part I
    • Certificate ADHD Part II
    • Certificate Aging Out I
    • Certificate Aging Out II
    • Certificate Anger Management
    • Certificate Anxieties Disorders
    • Certificate: Attachment
    • Certificate: Autism
    • Certificate: Bedwetting
    • Certificate Birth Children
    • Certificate Birth Family
    • Certificate Biting
    • Certificate-Building Self Esteem
    • Certificate Bullying Part I
    • Certificate Bullying Part II
    • Certificate Burn Out/Stress
    • Certificate Caseworker/Foster Parents CW Version
    • Certificate Case Workers Foster Parents FP Verssion
    • Certificate Child Development I
    • Certificate Child Development II
    • Certificate Child Sex Trafficking
    • Certificate Compassion Fatigue
    • Certificate Discipline and Foster Care
    • Certificate Documentation
    • Certificate Eating Disorders
    • Certificate: Emphatic Listening
    • Certificate: FASD Part I
    • Certificate: FASD Part II
    • Certificate Fire Starting
    • Certificate Helping Foster Children in School
    • Certificate Home Safety
    • Certificate Just For Dads
    • Certificate: Kinship Care
    • Certificate Knowing the Terms
    • Certificate: Lice! Prevention and Treatment
    • Certificate Life Books
    • Certificate Loss/Grief
    • Certificate: Mandated Reporting
    • Certificate Marriage II
    • Certificate Marriage I
    • Certificate: Neglect
    • Certificate: Normalcy
    • Certificate Online Dangers
    • Certificate: Parenting Troubled Teens
    • Certificate Placement
    • Certificate: Positive Parenting
    • Certificate Post Adoption Depression
    • Certificate Power of Prayer
    • Certificate Protecting Yourself as a Foster Parent
    • Certificate Reactive Attachment Disorder
    • Certificate Respite Care
    • Certificate Rights and Responsibilities
    • Certificate Running Away
    • Certificate: Saying Goodbye
    • Certificate Schools I
    • Certificate Schools II
    • Certificate: Self Harm
    • Certificate Sexting
    • Certificate Sleep Anxieties
    • Certificate Stealing
    • Certificate The Holidays
    • Certificate: Transracial Parenting Part I
    • Certificate: Transracial Parenting Part II
    • Certificate Trauma
    • Certificate: Trauma Informed Parenting I
    • Certificate : Trauma Informed Parenting II
    • Certificate Visitation
    • Certificate What if Not Adopted
    • Certificate: What is Foster Care
    • Certificate Why Children Lie
  • Documentation Paperwork
    • Documentation Downloadable Paperwork
  • How to be a Foster Parent
  • Cancel Subscription
  • New Page
  • Home

Helping Troubled Teens in Foster Care

8/22/2022

2 Comments

 
Picture
A few years back, my family grew once again with a child in need.  This time, it was a 17 year old boy; one who had suffered tremendous neglect and even abuse from his biological mother over the course of a number of years.  Furthermore, he was homeless when he came to us, as his mother had abandoned him one year earlier.

Oh, yes!  You can imagine that it has been....shall we say....a little challenging?  Having a 17 year old young man join a family can be adventuresome, if you will.   At that time, we had 9 children in our home, and each is adjusting to the latest family member.  Was it always easy?  In one word, no.  Yet, we were, and still are, finding our way, and each day brings better understanding for all in the home.

Each stage of development can be difficult for a foster parent, but perhaps the teen years are the most challenging.  This is an age where teenagers try to find their own identity, and is often a time where teens try to “cut the apron strings,” so to speak, in an attempt to gain self independence.  If he has been in the foster care system for some time, he will have more than likely moved from placement to placement.  Years of anger, frustration, sadness, loneliness, and broken trust will be difficult to break.  You will have to have great patience with your teen from foster care, as he struggles with conflicting emotions as well as his role and place within your family.

Trust is one issue he will have a very difficult time with. Whether this is his first placement, coming directly from his birth parent’s house, or has had multiple placements, he may feel that the adults in his life have betrayed him.  He has lost everything he knows and loves, and is now in a strange home with people who are not his parents.  He will build up walls around himself, in an attempt to safe guard his feelings.  You will likely have a hard time breaking through these walls, and trust will be difficult to establish, as he believes that he has no reason to place trust in you.  Lies and mistruths are often common with teens in foster care, and you will have a difficult time knowing when he is sincere, and when he is misleading you.
​
Join the thousands who receive Dr. John's FREE Foster Care Newsletter. Sign up below!


 As a result of being removed from his home, he may have anger towards adults, and express that anger towards you.  He may challenge your rules and expectations within your home, and argue with you about them, resenting the fact that he is being forced to live with people he does not know.  Your teen from foster care may try to breaks as many of your rules, and make your life as miserable as possible, in the hope of you asking that he be removed from your home, believing that he will be returned to his biological family members.  He may also seem highly withdrawn and depressed, and may not wish to be included in any of your family activities, along with any sort of social interaction.  He may not appreciate all you do for him, and will seldom thank you for meeting his needs, providing for him, and showing him kindness and love.  As he has been placed into your home against his will, he may runaway.

            As his body continues to change physically, he will become self absorbed.  Hormonally, he will continue to develop, and his body will soon grow as he advances towards adulthood.  Peer acceptance will be important to him, and he will seek to try and fit in with his fellow students.  If he has moved often due to multiple placements, his school records may not be complete, and he may struggle in school.  Learning disabilities may place him in a grade lower than other students in school, causing anxiety and embarrassment on his behalf.  Behavior in school may also be challenging, as he lashes out in anger towards teachers and those in authority within the school. 

            Perhaps the most important step you can take in helping your teen from foster care is building trust with him.  This will take time, and you will have to have patience; do not expect him to come to your home trusting all you say and do.  Give him space and allow him time to learn to trust you.  Do not make promises to him that you are sure you are unable to keep.  Once a promise is broken by you, it gives him further evidence that he cannot trust you. Talk to him on a personal level; find out what his interests are and encourage him to pursue those.  Show interest in him, as well as in his biological family.  Help him enroll in after school clubs and activities.  Help him to research possible careers for him when he graduates from high school, and inform him that dropping out of high school will have severe negative consequences for him.  Encourage him to express his feelings and emotions to you, as well as to a counselor, if necessary.  He will need to learn that expressing his feelings is natural and healthy instead of keeping them inside.
​
            Establish rules and consequences for your household as soon as possible.  Assign him chores and responsibilities in your house, allowing him to feel part of the family as well as give him a sense of importance and self worth.  As he will want to establish a sense of identity and independence from you and your family, allow him to be a teenager; give him permission to try and fit in with the other students at his school with clothing styles, as long as they are appropriate.   Set up a homework station for him at home, perhaps at the kitchen table, and create a time where he is to attend to his homework each night, perhaps when he gets home, or after dinner.  Let him know that you will help him with his homework as much as you are able to do so.  Do not allow him to have computer technology in his room, alone and unsupervised. 

            No matter the age or ability of your teen from foster care, he needs you.  When you take a foster child into your home, you are making a commitment to “foster” that child.  Remember, “foster” means to take care of, to help grow, and help develop another person.  Your foster child may not express gratitude, return love, or show appreciation for what you are trying to do, but it is important to keep in mind that you are making a difference, a difference that could indeed last a life time.

-Dr. John

For much more, get your signed copy of The Foster Parenting Manual. Order it HERE.

    Sign up for FREE Newsletter

Submit
Picture
2 Comments

The Reason Children in Foster Care are Failing in School

8/1/2022

2 Comments

 
Picture
When I first began teaching, and before I was a foster parent, I knew very little about foster care, or about foster children. To be sure, what I thought I knew about children in foster care, and about the foster care system, was as far from the truth as possible. Like most of the general public, I had false ideas and beliefs about foster children, and much of it was negative, I am afraid to say. This was due mainly to the false stereotypes that abound in society. As a result, I was not prepared to meet the many needs that the students from foster homes so desperately needed while in my classroom. Even further, in all my years of college, and of additional instructional workshops, I did not have the training required to best help foster children as they struggled in my classroom, and neither did my colleagues.

After a few children from foster care had passed through my own home, I began to appreciate the fact that I had to not only adjust my teaching habits for children in crisis, but I also had to become my own children’s advocate at their own schools. I watched my foster children struggle in my fellow teacher’s classrooms, and also was witness to these same teachers as they failed to understand the various emotional challenges the children in my home were going through on a daily basis. To be sure, there were those times when I had to politely intervene on behalf of my foster child. There were also those times when I had to sit across the table from a fellow teacher as we discussed how my foster child’s behavior was interfering in the classroom setting. My desire to better assist both my colleagues and foster children led to my doctoral studies on the subject. I simply wanted to help children in foster care succeed in school, as well as bring awareness about their struggles to our schools.
​

Children in foster care, in general, tend to perform below level in regard to both academic performance and in positive behavior than those students who come from either traditional homes as well as children from economically disadvantaged homes. The majority of children under foster care supervision experience problems in behavior while enrolled in public schools. Those foster children who were taken from homes due to neglect repeatedly suffer from a number of developmental delays. These include poor language and vocabulary development, thus impairing communication skills.

Join the thousands who receive Dr. DeGarmo’s FREE foster care newsletter. Simply fill out the form below.

For many children in foster care, our schools are the last place they want to be. For that foster child who has been taken from his family, from his home, from his friends, and all he knows, and suddenly placed into a strange home late one evening, only to be forced to attend a strange school the following day, it is incredibly traumatic. Foster children often have a difficult time with exhibiting proper school behavior during the school day. For many of the children, school is a constant reminder that they are, indeed, foster children without a true home. The continuous reminder that their peers are living with biological family members while they are not is a difficult reality for them, and can be manifested in several ways. Some foster children simply withdraw and become anti-social, in an attempt to escape their current environment and world they have been thrust into. For many foster children, violent behavior becomes the norm, as they not only act out in a negative and disruptive fashion in the school, but in their foster home, too, prompting yet another move to another foster home and another school (see the book Helping Foster Children in School: A Guide for Foster Parents, Social Workers, and Teachers, (DeGarmo, Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2015).

Since children in foster care are often behind academically, as well as struggle with the fact that they are coming from outside school districts with different expectations, teachers in your child’s school need to be conscious of this fact. Foster children struggle with many personal and emotional issues while in the foster home, and homework is often not the main objective while in the home each evening. Instead, the emotional issues your child faces may take center stage on a particular evening. Teachers need to assign homework with this in mind, being sensitive to their issues. Let your child’s teacher know this, and ask that they cooperate with you on this. Meet with the teachers, the school counselor, and perhaps even an administrator of the school when you enroll your foster child, and explain these concerns to them. Like I was beforehand, it is highly likely that they have not had much experience with foster children, nor the challenges they face.


As a foster parent, you will need to reach out to the teachers, and ask for as much information and updates as possible. It is essential to your child’s success in school that you become actively involved and interested in your child’s school life. Look for ways to volunteer in the school. Encourage your foster child to become active in after school activities. Take an interest in your child’s school work, and make sure it is done to the best of his ability each evening. Help your child study, and praise him when he does well. If you have a young foster child in the early years of school, read to him each evening, or listen to him read to you. Help him with his spelling and writing skills. Quite simply, be your foster child’s advocate with his teachers, and in his school. Without your help, your child from foster care is not going to find success, in any fashion.

As I write this, school is about to begin in my area. I have already met with the teachers of the  children currently living in my home. Fortunately, these teachers have already taught many of the children from foster care who my wife and I have been blessed to have in our home over the years, and these teachers and I have been able to build a healthy working partnership, through both good times and bad. It is only with the combined effort of you, your child’s teachers, and your caseworker, that your foster child has a chance for success in school. You need to lead this charge. You need to be your child’s advocate. Your child is counting on you. Will you let her down?

-Dr. John
The Foster Care Institute

    Sign up for FREE Foster Care Newsletter

Submit
Order your personally signed copy of Helping Foster Children in School: A Guide for Foster Parents, Social Workers, and Teachers.  Order HERE.
​
Picture

2 Comments
    Picture
    AUTHOR
    Dr. John DeGarmo is the founder and director of The Foster Care Institute, and is recognized as a leading expert in foster care. Dr. John is an TEDX Talk speaker, international trainer and speaker, consultant, author, and most importantly, a father.  He has been a foster parent  with over 60 children who have come to live in his home from adoption and foster care. He is the author of many books, including the  book  
    The Foster Care Survival Guide: The Essential Book for Today's Foster Parents.

    Picture
    Order your signed copy of the new book:
    The Little Book of Foster Care Wisdom: 365 Days of Inspiration and Encouragement for Foster Care Families
    Dr.John's TEDx Talk on Foster Care.
    Get unlimited access to over 65 hours of Training Webinars, Certificates, CEUs 15 FREE eBooks, and more.  Get your licensing foster care training hours at home, at work, at lunch, on vacation....anytime you want.    It's easy!   
    Join​ HERE!

    Archives

    March 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013

    Categories

    All
    Phone Number

    RSS Feed

Home       About   Media   Blog       Training/Webinars      Foster Parent Recruitment/Retention Consultant       Contact       Articles     Foster Parent Coach       Store         Radio Show/Video Series      How to be a Foster Parent    How To Be A Paid Speaker   Testimonials