I love questions!

I love to find out as much about a topic I am involved in or interested in, and I am not afraid to ask questions about the topic until my knowledge is satisfied, and I feel better informed.

When I first met my wife, we were sitting together ready to perform for the late Rosa Parks at an event.  She was the dancer, and I was the singer.  We were traveling with the international super group Up With People, and it was one of our earliest performances.  Her Australian accent really caught my attention, and her warm smile and personality had me hooked.  I asked her question after question after question, just trying to get to know her more.  After all, the more questions I asked, the more I discovered about her.  Little did the both of us know that years later we would become married and care for over 50 children in our home and in our family as foster parents.  Those questions sure did lay some of that groundwork!

That’s how it often is as a foster parent. You have questions as you await the arrival of a new child into your home. This can be a time of excitement, as well as anxiety. The phone call from a caseworker asking if you would like a foster child placed in your home can leave you in a state of apprehension. It is often a time of questions, from you and your family, as well as from the foster child. For the child coming into your home, it is especially an intimidating period. Remember, this new foster child is being moved, against his/her wishes, to a strange home and to an unknown family.

Perhaps the most important thing you can do to prepare for the arrival of a foster child is to educate yourself with as much background information and history as you can about the child.  Ask those questions! Do not be concerned if you have a large number of questions for your caseworker when you are first approached about of a placement of a child in your house.  While the caseworker may not have all the answers, you will find valuable information by asking.  Some questions from my book The Foster Parenting Manual you might wish to consider include:

                -How old is the child?
                -Why is the child in care?
                -How long might the child stay with you?
                -Will the child need day care supervision?
                -Does the child have any learning disabilities or special needs of any kind?
                -Does the child have any anger management or extreme emotional issues that you need to be aware of?
                -Is this the first time the child has been in foster care?
                -Is the child’s medical shots up to date?  Are there any medical concerns?
                -Is the child from the same town?  Does the child need to be enrolled in your local school system?          
                -Does the child have clothes?  Will you need to buy diapers and baby wipes?
 
Once you have some of those answers, you can begin to better prepare for the arrival of the newest child to your family.  Yet, there are other things you can do to help create that warm, loving, safe environment that the child needs to have when coming to your home.

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Although it is impossible to predict how he will react when he first meets you, it is important that you approach this time with caution and care.  That first moment is so very important.  When the caseworker pulls into your driveway, go out to the car and welcome the caseworker and child, introducing yourself immediately, with a warm smile and soft voice.  Inform your foster child who you are and the role you will now play in his life.  He may very well not understand the foster care system, or what foster parents do. 

Do not insist that your new child call you mom or dad.  Allow your foster child to call you by your first names, if you feel comfortable with this, or by whatever name he feels comfortable in calling you.  As the child may be scared, do not insist that he react to you right away.  This is a time of extreme difficulty, and your foster child may be in a state of shock.  

As you help him inside with his possessions, take him by the hand, if he is a little one, or place a soft hand upon his shoulder, if he is a teenager.  Actions like these can be reassuring that all will be okay, that he is in a safe and caring home.

Do not insist upon hugging, as he may be too embarrassed or hurt to do so.  
Show him where he will sleep, and where his clothes will be kept.  Have a nightlight already on in the room, if the room is dark. Ask if he is hungry, and offer him some food.  If he doesn’t want any food, do not insist upon it.  He will eat when he is ready and hungry.
               
To be sure, I was a little nervous when I first met my soon to be wife for the first time, as I was really attracted to her. I was also a little nervous the first time a child from foster care arrived in my home.  Now, can you imagine how nervous, scared, anxious, and terrified that child is when he comes to your home?  Most likely, he is feeling all of this and more.  The better prepared you are for him, the more welcome he will feel.

-Dr. John

For more, purchase Dr. DeGarmo’s training book The Foster Parenting Manual: A Practical Guide to Creating a Loving, Safe, and Stable Home. Get your signed copy HERE.

​“Was I born to blue, born just to cry, born to be alone until the day I die?” Those are lyrics to the 90’s country western song, Born to Be Blue by The Judds. Many current and former foster kids can relate to those words. I know, because I used to be one of them.

For most of my life, I thought I was an accident of biology. As a child, I was told as much. But now, because of the seeds of hope planted by a foster family many years ago, I know now that there is an awesome purpose for my life, and I'm having a blast living it!

The great news is that every one of us can have an awesome life because the characteristics of awesomeness are already in us. That doesn’t mean that everything will always go perfectly and that we will always be happy. It does mean that we can experience awesomeness every day of our lives, regardless of our circumstances.

Most people don’t know what specifically contributes to having a great life, so they carry around aspects of awesomeness and aren’t even aware of it. They don’t act like the awesome people they truly are and the confident people they could be. Consequently, they miss out on the opportunity to live a great life and to enjoy all that comes along with it. Some people go through life with a chip (or a cement block) on their shoulders, eaten up by feelings of envy toward others who they think got the advantages that were not afforded to them. They feel like they were dealt a bad hand at the game of life; like they’re owed restitution by someone, somehow, but they go through life never quite able to figure out how and where to collect.

Those poor souls with the chips on their shoulders wish they’d been born into a loving family, or that Dad hadn’t left, or that Mom hadn’t lost her job. They wish they had gotten a better education, or that they’d had it as good as those kids who appeared to have all the advantages they didn't have. They wish... they wish... they wish...but none of those wishes will ever change their present reality. No one can go back in time and choose adifferent family through which to enter into life. No one can change where they grew up, what happened, or what they didn’t get. The good news is that awesomeness is not a prize awarded at birth to only a select few, never to be attained by anyone else. Awesomeness is attainable by each of us. Every one of us can embark immediately on a journey toward our own awesome lifestyle. It’s not complicated. But it does require a commitment to a shift in our attitudes and thoughts.

Each of us is able to identify those things that make us awesome. We can develop each characteristic of awesomeness by doing every step in this book until one day we realize that we’ve become who we want to be, and that we’re living the life we want to live. Somewhere along our journey we can brush the chips off our shoulders and see ourselves in a whole new light as the awesome people we are—the awesome people we were always meant to be! When that happens, no longer are we the ones left unchosen for the team. No longer must we stand at the sidelines like spectators, watching others play the game of life. No longer must we sit at home while others advance to greater levels of success.

My newest book, How To Get To AWESOME, identifies the 10 key characteristics that make people awesome. Readers will see themselves as they read the characteristics and descriptions of awesomeness. They'll see that they've had awesomeness inside all along, and they'll likely see areas that they can work on to become even more awesome. Along with each of the 10 characteristics of awesomeness, they will find practical guidance for developing those characteristics and for applying them in every area of their lives. This advice is broken down into 10 steps that will help them develop, strengthen, and hone each invaluable characteristic.

The great thing is that every step of the journey to awesome is an easy, free, and simply way that anyone can nurture their characteristics of awesomeness, and in so doing transform themselves and the quality of their lives.

Every one of us has a very special package of skills, talents, abilities, and characteristics that is unique in all the world. Once we arrive at an understanding of our awesomeness, we're able to get along with others better than ever before. Why? Because we're able to confidently communicate who we are, what we care about, and what makes us awesome. And, importantly, we're able to recognize and celebrate the awesomeness of others. This is the basis for collaboration and collective impact because it eliminates the need for competition among colleagues because people who are confident in themselves know that when awesome people join together, each person’s unique package of awesomeness beautifully fills the weak places of the other, allowing the two to accomplish more than either could on his or her own.

Awesome people don't feel badly about what they don’t do well because their focus is on their awesomeness, rather than on their perceived weaknesses. No longer do they envy the awesomeness of others because they know that each person’s special package of unique awesomeness is theirs and theirs alone. Awesome people know that each one of us is truly in a category of our own, not better or worse than anyone else, but unique and valuable, each in our own uniquely awesome way. Consequently, awesome people attract other awesome people like steel attracts magnets! To circle back to the place where I began this blog, that 90's country western song goes on to ask, "....or was I born to be loved, born to be kissed, born to find the one to show me what I missed." As a successful survivor of abandonment, abuse, poverty, homelessness, foster care, kinship care, betrayal, and more, I can confidently say that the 101 ways to find your best self that I share in How to Get To AWESOME will help everyone who reads and acts on them to embark on their journey to the destination to their own unique AWESOME life!


​About the author: Rhonda Sciortino, author of How To Get To Awesome, used the coping skills from an abusive childhood to achieve real success which she measures by good relationships, good health, peace, joy, and financial prosperity. Through her writing, speaking, and media appearances, she shares how others can use the obstacles in their lives as stepping stones to their real success. Rhonda can be reached at her website HERE.