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How this Familiar Story is True about what YOU do!

6/30/2018

1 Comment

 
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       I understand that we can’t save all the children in foster care out there who need help.  To be sure, there seems to be more children being placed into foster care.  From opioids, to migration, to human trafficking, to homelessness; the number of children being placed into foster care continues to grow.  For you and I, we want to save each one of them.  But, we can't. Friends and family have told me this, as they question why I continue to bring children into my home, and into my family.

    Yet, it is like the familiar Starfish story.

    A father and son were walking along a beach at sunrise after a huge storm. When they stepped onto the beach, they were met with thousands of starfish littering the beach, hundreds in each direction. The boy bent down and picked up a starfish, throwing it far into the ocean. Again and again, he repeated the action. After watching his son for some time, the father asked, “Son, what are you doing?”

    “I’m throwing these starfish back into the ocean,” the young boy answered.

    “I see. But why are you doing this?” the father asked.

    “When the sun comes out and starts warming up the beach, the starfish will all die. I have to throw them back into the water.”

    “But son, you can’t save all of these starfish. You can’t possibly make a difference.”


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    The boy stopped for a moment to take in his father’s words, then bent down, and picked up another starfish in his hand, before throwing it as far as he could back into the ocean. Turning to his father with a large grin spreading across his face, he simply said, “It made a huge difference for that one!”

    And it can make a huge difference for each child from foster care we bring into our home.

    Being a foster parent is often the hardest thing we do. After all, each time a new foster child comes into our family, there are new challenges, as each placement, each child, is unique. Every placement will be different, and it will not become routine; some placements may even be unsettling. We do not have a “normal” lifestyle, to be sure, and we make many sacrifices as we bring children in need and in trauma into our family.

Yet, we are changing lives, while our own lives are being changed. There is a good chance that in the future, the foster child we cared for may not remember our names. There is a good chance that in the future, the foster child we care for may not remember our faces. But for so many children in foster care, each foster child who comes through our homes will remember one thing; that for a period in his life, he was loved, and some day down the road, he will blossom into something better because of it.

    And we will be a better person because of each child, as well.


-Dr. John

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      Finding Inspiration as a Foster Parent and Case Worker     

5/28/2015

28 Comments

 
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It was a difficult time for my wife and me, and we both felt drained physically and emotionally.  Another child had left our family.  Another child from foster care that had been living with us for several months was moving to another home.  This time, it was a little different, though, and the pain of it lingered on for some time.

Little Devon came to our family late one night at 12:30 AM, an emergency placement that was to be with us only for a day or so.  A familiar claim for foster parents, that’s for sure. The four pound baby was on a heart monitor as well as a breathing machine, and required around the clock monitoring. Fortunately for me, I was on a vacation, and was able to look after the tiny infant at all times.  So small was he that he could fit in one of my hands.  To be sure, the first time I changed his diaper, I thought I might somehow break his small body.  His weakened condition required that he be fed once an hour, every hour, twenty four hours a day, as his tiny frame needed nourishment.  His first few weeks with us left me in an almost zombie like state; so exhausted was I from his hourly feeding and breathing treatments.

As expected, my wife and I quickly fell in love with little Devon, and when the child’s caseworker informed us three months later that Devon would be available for adoption, my wife quickly jumped at the opportunity.  I was a little hesitant, as this would be the seventh DeGarmo child, but as always, my heart quickly changed my thought process.  Indeed, I began looking forward with much excitement to the adoption of this little one forever into our family.


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Sadly, Devon was not able to become a part of our family, and we were faced with our second failed adoption a month later.  The child our family grew to love as one of our own moved to another foster home, where his older sibling was; a foster home that soon adopted both Devon and his older brother.  I must share with you, it left me grief stricken.  For days, there was a tremendous pain in my stomach, and I felt as if I would break into tears at any given moment.   My wife was suffering, as well.  Four days after Devon left our family, I walked into the bathroom after work, and found my wife crumpled on the floor, sobbing; heartbroken from the grief she felt. 

So, why do I foster?  Why do I take child after child into my family, only to have my heart break time and time again when the child leaves my home to another?  Why do I run myself to the point of exhaustion, looking after a house full of children on lack of sleep and energy?  Quite simply; because there is a child out there, right now, that needs a home.  There is a child out there, today, who needs a family, and who needs to be loved.   I have been richly blessed with so much, I feel called to share those blessings with those in need.

I am often asked how I do it.  How am I able to care for so many children in my home, and how do I continue to have my heart broken repeatedly?  Well, the answer is really not that difficult of one.  My wife is a source of strength, to be sure, but I also look for strength in other places, as well.  I find strength in inspiration.  Whether this inspiration be from scripture, from poems, from quotes, or even stories from other foster parents, I find these inspirational stories, scripture, and sayings fill me with renewed strength, and with renewed energy.  To be sure, there are times when I need inspiration daily, just in order to make it through the day.  Other times, inspirational verses and stories fill me with joy, and encourage me to continue caring for others in need.

            To be honest, I often find inspiration in what you do. I am inspired by your devotion to caring for children in need. I am inspired by your service to others, and placing those in need before yourself.  I am inspired by the many stories I hear from foster parents, case workers, and advocates I meet across the nation.  Thank you, so very much, for all you do, and for making our world a better place.
 
-Dr. John DeGarmo

 

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    AUTHOR
    Dr. John DeGarmo is the founder and director of The Foster Care Institute, and is recognized as a leading expert in foster care. Dr. John is an TEDX Talk speaker, international trainer and speaker, consultant, author, and most importantly, a father.  He has been a foster parent  with over 60 children who have come to live in his home from adoption and foster care. He is the author of many books, including the  book  
    The Foster Care Survival Guide: The Essential Book for Today's Foster Parents.

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