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Foster Fathers: Helping to Maintain a Healthy Relationship

8/27/2013

12 Comments

 
                As I write this, my wife and I are adjusting to nine children, all living in our home.  The addition of three more children from foster care, as well as my three biological and three adoptive children, makes for a crowded, busy, and often times, noisy home.  The ages of the children are 16, 13, 13, 12, 10, 7, 6, 3, and 1.  To be sure, there is not a dull moment in my house, and my wife and I are having to truly work together, as a team, in order to ensure that no child feels left out, that all children feel important, loved, and heard.  Indeed, as a foster father, there are of responsibilities and expectations that I have on my plate if I wish to be a successful foster dad.  One of these responsibilities is ensuring that my wife does not become “burned out,” or too exhausted.

                Being a foster parent is a difficult task; perhaps one of the hardest things you will ever do.  The hours are long, the emotional toils are burdensome, the housework never ends, and the point of complete exhaustion seems to always be around the next corner.  Strong foster fathers appreciate this, and recognize that if his family is to remain intact, healthy, and strong, he must take steps to see that his own wife/partner has not reached that stage of exhaustion.  Indeed, a foster dad is one who places his marriage as a priority.  If not, the family will no longer be able to function as a foster family.  For me, the partnership with my wife is essential in so many ways, and I would not be a good foster parent if not for her. 

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            Although it may be difficult to schedule, foster dads need to try and have a Date Night with their spouse on a regular basis. I understand that this can be quite difficult, and I struggle to do this, as well.  Yet, whether this is once every two weeks once a month, or a similar example, spouses need to have time alone to re-charge their foster batteries, have time to talk without the constant interruption of children, and simply to re-connect with each other and listen to the wishes and frustrations each has.  If the partnership is to remain healthy, and the foster family a stable one, foster dads need to communicate daily with their spouse, if only for five minutes a day.  Anniversaries, birthdays, and other important dates should not be forgotten by the foster father, as this usually leads to some heavy apologizing afterwards.   Indeed, foster dads should make a commitment to their marriage and make time for it each day in some way.  Express appreciation for all the work your partner does.  Maintain a positive sense of humor.  Learn the fine art of compromise; practice forgiveness and learn to fight fair.  These are all practices a healthy foster father should employ.  Remember, there should be no shame in seeing a marriage counselor with your spouse.  Sometimes, a listening ear and a helpful word can aid in creating a healthier marriage.  There may be times when your spouse simply needs a break from the demands of being a foster parent.  A strong and wise foster father is one who allows the foster to spend some time by herself, or with her friends.  Shopping, a trip to the movie theatre, out to dinner with friends, or just some personal time by herself are necessary for her own well being.

            To be sure, your role as a foster father is an important one, and one that should not be taken lightly.  We are all an example for not just this child in need, but for his biological family members, our friends and colleagues, members of our community that we live in, and those in our own household.   As noted before, you may be the first and only positive male role model the child has ever had, and maybe the only one in his lifetime.  As foster dads, we need to step up and embrace this responsibility and not leave it to our wives and partners.

-Dr. John DeGarmo

For more information on foster parenting, buy Dr. DeGarmo’s The Foster Parenting Manual: A Practical Guide to Creating a Loving, Safe, and Stable Home.

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12 Comments
Deanna Rounds
8/27/2013 05:17:47 am

I recruit and train foster parents for my district and would like to include your article in my training and my newsletter. I am wriiting to see if you will give me permission to do so. I often find that fostering is something the Moms are very enthusiastic about and I want to show the foster Dads how important they are as well.
Deanna Rounds
Hartford DCF - Family Services
White River Jct., VT 802-295-8840

Reply
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11/29/2022 10:02:07 am

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Reply
Sarah
9/3/2013 08:44:01 am

I agree with you 100% Dr. DeGarmo! As a foster mother, I need to have time alone and have help from my husband. :)

Reply
Dr. John DeGarmo
9/4/2013 10:17:19 am

Well said, Sarah. As foster parents, we all need some time alone, from time to time, in order to remain healthy and productive.

Reply
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11/29/2022 10:03:05 am

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Reply
Dr. John DeGarmo
9/4/2013 10:16:01 am

Thank you for asking, Deanna. Of course you may. I very much enjoyed chatting with you on the phone, and look forward to working with you in the future!

Reply
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bang olufsen link
12/2/2014 01:20:23 pm

The ages of the children are 16, 13, 13, 12, 10, 7, 6, 3, and 1. To be sure, there is not a dull moment in my house, and my wife and I are having to truly work together, as a team, in order to ensure that no child feels left out, that all children feel important, loved, and heard.

Reply
Dr. John
12/2/2014 10:41:00 pm

Good for you! Wow! That is a house full. I imagine that it is quite busy, and quite fun. Thanks for what you are doing!

Reply
Matthew Cox
11/29/2022 10:03:24 am

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You need a hacker to recover your bitcoins from any investment scams
You might have been scammed before and you need a hacker to help you recover your funds and trace the scammer.
You might want to spy on someone maybe your spouse or workers or even go into your school server to upgrade your exam grade.
You need a hacker to hack into any remote device such as Laptops, smartphones, remote databases, and personal records and to clear your name from the crime database.
Whatever you need and intend to do, you need a hacker, and not just any hacker but you need a professional hacker that can do that in a matter of hours. That is why you need a hacker like REMOTESPYTECH service, they are professional hackers who can provide any of those services listed above. Don’t hesitate to contact them via E-MAIL (REMOTESPYTECH (@) GMAIL com) and on WhatsApp at +1 (352) 870-0844

how to get my ex back link
5/6/2016 09:24:21 pm

I would not be a good foster parent if not for her.

Reply
Theresa Ann
11/29/2022 10:02:27 am

HIRE THE CERTIFIED AND GUARANTEED CRYPTO RECOVERY AND PHONE SPYING EXPERT AT REMOTESPYTECH

Finding out that your husband or wife has been unfaithful isn’t just a time of profound heartbreak and shock, it’s also a time of intense confusion . At certain points desperate measures are our only resort and we take them, finding a trustworthy infiltrator can be a lifeline and I sure used one to save my relationship, business and sanity. I was having real life problems when my friend recommended Zion to me. I contacted him because my business partner was shaking me, stealing money from the business. Also my spouse was always up at odd hours clearly this is a sign that my spouse is cheating, so the hacker cloned/hacked into their devices and granted me total access to their devices without their knowledge. I was overwhelmed that I could see my business partner hidden finances that were off records and read their old and new text messages, see new and deleted pictures, emails, call logs, Facebook, messenger, WhatsApp, Snapchat, GPS location in real time among other things off my spouse phone. If you require the services of a private investigator (EC council certified personnel), you can speak to Zion at Remotespytech(@) Gmail, com . You will be glad you did. For the purpose getting him comfortable working with you, it is advisable you make reference to this post as it would save you a lot of back and forth while ensuring you are not some kid playing around. I do hope this helps.

Email: REMOTESPYTECH (@) GMAILCOM

WhatsApp: +1 (352) 870-0844


They can help you recover lost or stolen bitcoins and funds in one swipe. He assisted my friend recover his stolen $155,000 savings from a faux forex broker.
He can help you repair your bad credit, secure a good loan for you and upgrade your credit scores.
Send your complaint to this great team now!!!

Real deal

Reply



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    AUTHOR
    Dr. John DeGarmo is the founder and director of The Foster Care Institute, and is recognized as a leading expert in foster care. Dr. John is an TEDX Talk speaker, international trainer and speaker, consultant, author, and most importantly, a father.  He has been a foster parent  with over 60 children who have come to live in his home from adoption and foster care. He is the author of many books, including the  book  
    The Foster Care Survival Guide: The Essential Book for Today's Foster Parents.

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